What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 12:13
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Don't you think Democrats are so full of it stool softener and an enema couldn't help them?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I have no regrets .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Especially a lifetime of it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
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I know ,a lot about trauma.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Should women be allowed in “combat roles” within the military?
I was scared of men, in general
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What is the STAR interview method?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
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What did i know ?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What has been your best sexual experience?
I think the readers, may guess!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do leftists understand why young men are becoming more right-wing?
She wouldn,t have been !
I couldn’t, believe it.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Would this be the day?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I will be 64.
Do you think your landlord should have a key to your room?
He knew the spot.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
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With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
How is sex with a woman for gay men?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was very sick at this time too.
I said to her
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
All the time i was locked up.
Who then, do I blame.?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When she asked me how she looked .
She found it foreign!.
I was seconnd youngest,
I never cut or harmed myself..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Why did i forgive my father ?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
(And it was in our own minds.)
Put me off passion for life!!
So whats the point in blame.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Ive learnt so much.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
It was going to be , some day.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
This is soul school!.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im still living with it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
One cannot live in the past .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She married twice! .
We all went to grammer schools
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But it wasn’t much.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I waited trembling.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He resisted the act ,that day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But, we were locked up after school.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As i do to all so called friends.?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My life is so biszare .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We were not on the streets..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She loved him until the end.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Comes on , in middle age.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She was in good health!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I write beautiful poetry .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was 9 years of age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My family never makes their pension either.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
So, i spoilt her more .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And i lived it daily.
I don,t even have a pension.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But ive been too sick for many years..